life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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