he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I am available for nakedness
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
