What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
