you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
