your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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