I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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