capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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