I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
