the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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