There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
