Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
