If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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