i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
