Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
