I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
