you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
