College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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