I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
