Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
