you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
