I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
