i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
