lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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