he shaved USA in his pubs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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