you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
