how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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