If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
