that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
