garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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