hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
