I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
