Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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