I'm lost and stupid without you.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
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He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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