HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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