It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
