i can't believe i had my finger in that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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