I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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