im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
