Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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