I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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