I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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