so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
