By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
