My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
