Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
