Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
