im gay
i know
yea but for you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
