there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize