i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
