god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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