I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
