but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize