I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
