After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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