My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
