I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
