I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
