at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were destined to go to rehab together
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
