I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
