the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
